Tapes purporting to originate from a certain government agency have mysteriously fallen into EFA's hands. The following is a transcript of Tape 1. Expletives have been deleted.

Tape Index:
    Tape #1ABA office, SydneyThe Filter Solution
  Tape #2ABA office, SydneyThe Real Plan
  Tape #3Minister's office, CanberraYes, we have no censorship
  Tape #4Minister's office, CanberraSex, Religion and Politics
  Tape #5Prime Minister's office, CanberraFeet Fetishes and Feathers


Dateline:late December 1999
Scene:An office in the Sydney CBD.
Present:Sir Terence ("Spin" aka "Doc") O'Corker, Ministerial adviser
Steve ("Nugget") Olgent, Manager Datacasting, Australian Broadcasting Authority,
Pedro ("Puppy") Corona, internet industry honcho

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TO:So that's it then, we're all agreed?
PC:Yep, looks like we're in the raincoat business.
SO:Phew, that was a lucky escape for us!
PC:What do you mean?
SO:Well we almost ended up having to look at porn all f***ing day. Look what it's done to those zombies down at the OFLC. No way we want to end up like that.
TO:But you've still got to deal with complaints, don't you?
SO:Yeah, but we won't need to look at the content now, we'll just tell the filter suppliers to add it to their blacklist. Everyone knows these filters block things they shouldn't, so who cares whether the content should be blocked or not.
PC:But will the Minister buy it?
TO:He'll swallow whatever story I tell him.
SO:Puppy, are you going to be able to sell this to the public? It's a pretty flimsy story in places. I think we're vulnerable.
PC:No prob. We've got the big end of town behind us so we command a lot of respect. I've cooked up a pretty good plan. Want to hear it?
SO:Shoot!
PC:OK, it goes like this. We'll publish the rules tomorrow, and if both of you can put out statements at the same time we'll make them all just a little bit different so that nobody will know what the hell it all means. Then we've got the weekend coming up and Christmas the following week. Most folk will be so busy with other things that they won't even bother trying to figure it all out.
TO:I'm worried about the EFA.
PC:We all are. They're loose cannons and they're pretty unpredictable. They don't seem to care what people think about them. They just say what they think without holding back like normal people do. I'll send them an E-mail telling them what a great victory we've all had compared with what might have been. May work, may not. And we've got the Christmas factor again. Even zealots have to take a break don't they?
TO:Some of them may, but they seem to be everywhere. Anyway we'll just have to risk it. We've done the best we can with the timing.
SO:Can we go over the agreement again. I still find it confusing.
TO:It's meant to be confusing. If even we can't understand it, the peasants, sorry I mean parents, have got no chance.
PC:OK, just to re-cap, what we've agreed is this. We'll announce that we've cooked up a deal, but of course we won't say it like that, we'll say the rules have been approved after long and difficult negotiations. That will help explain why it took so long. We won't tell 'em we cooked this up months ago and were just waiting for the silly season.
SO:But do we have to tell them everything?
PC:For chrissake no, we don't want the EFA on our backs. It will be hard enough to shut them up as it is. All we'll say is that free sunglasses will be provided with every Internet account from now, from a list of thoroughly tested brands.
TO:What if someone finds out most of them don't stop UV?
PC:They won't find out. We don't really expect anybody to use them for goodness sake.
SO:That's the bit that keeps confusing me. Explain that part again please Puppy.
PC:Listen Nugget, you've gotta get with the program here. Obfuscation is the name of the game. If any of it made sense, we'd never get away with it. Confusion breeds respect. People will think it must be a very complex and clever plan, and they won't want to look stupid by questioning the details.
SO:Yes, but how can we convince them the sunglasses are free. Somebody's got to pay.
PC:That's the tricky bit. The users end up paying of course, but we'll explain it by comparing it with other protective costs like insurance and workers comp. If that doesn't work we'll just jack up the fees and blame the GST or something.
  To tape #2